Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. –Proverbs 3:5-6
One Woman’s Brave Journey..
I was scared because my first psychotic break, which was triggered by a great amount of stress, caused delusions that were connected to my faith. The term for that perhaps, is Delusions of Grandeur, since I believed that my youngest son was the new coming of Jesus Christ.
All of my thoughts were faith-based and were looked at with an evil or good (heavenly) respect. All of my decisions in absolutely every aspect of my life were contemplated as if my life depended on the answer. I counted syllables on my fingers because if my sentence ended in the wrong number of syllables, (such as a six), I could be led down the wrong path of evil.
I trusted God to never give me more than I could handle. And I trusted Him to guide my path. But my mind broke under the pressure.
What I didn’t know was that God was truly lifting me, and holding me up during this time. .
I had parents who loved me so much that they fought for my well-being. I never went into total darkness. My mind could have gone down a much different path, and have never returned to the state of being able to care for my family once again, or being able to help my children grow into the beautiful, well, and loving individuals that they are.
I was given another chance. God held my hand through it all. He put the people in my life that I needed to understand and help me. This is not to say that there weren’t more challenges during my walk with mental illness.
There were even more difficult times to come.
Learning to Trust God in My Mental Illness
After that first break of reality, it took me many years to trust God again. I was fearful of being spiritual and having my mind break. I felt betrayed at first, like I had been given more than my mind could handle. Yet I knew the Lord was near me all of those years.
I had previously become baptized and was confident that Jesus was my Savior. But I was stagnant, and didn’t grow in my faith until after an even more devastating decompensation of my mind.
During that time, I believe God was saying, “Trust me, I have you. I will protect you.”
An episode of delirium occurred and I don’t recall much of that time period. What I later realized was that I was trying to keep it together on my own because I no longer had my parents around to help me. They had died several years prior.
Yet after this episode, I was led to a new church and have become rooted in the love of God and have grown in my faith. Not only did God guide me and I responded, He helped me to realize that I am never alone. I have Him as my strength, and my new husband and other family members were by my side.
God always has the perfect plan and I need to remember that, and trust He will keep me lifted.
My Hope in Mental Illness
I have lived almost thirty years with mental illness, and have been diagnosed with Bipolar 1, PTSD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
Even though I have these diagnoses, I have accomplished raising a family, becoming a Registered Nurse, and have found a Social Worker that I trust completely. I have also acquired a psychiatrist who truly cares and is compassionate.
It has taken many different curves, roadblocks and turns to get to this place in my life.
Unfortunately my PTSD revolves around my first marriage and emotional trauma. Yet I am now in an emotionally stable and mutually respectful marriage. Thankfully this was accomplished before I had my last devastating decompensation that I mentioned earlier.
I had my fighter standing by my side when I needed him. God made sure of that. And though my first marriage was unsettling at times, my children are amazing! My prayer for them is to know God and Jesus as their Savior as well.
The trust and peace that has come into my life even with the knowledge that the circumstances are not always going to be good, is a blessing in itself. I understand that all I need to do is trust that God has the lead. My Hope is in Him.
The Gift of a Positive Support System
Just recently my daughter was diagnosed with Stage Two Breast Cancer, and though I cried, and my anxiety was raised significantly, I prayed and fought for her care. I was able to keep my mind focused and in order, even with the increased stress.
I knew the Lord was with us, and that whatever happened, God was in control. It was in His plan and we would rise!
I understand the struggles that the mind can go through. I am empathetic to anyone who deals with these types of disorders. It is my goal to bring understanding and less discrimination to those that live with such horrible diseases.
It is a constant battle. The episodes don’t just come on and go away. They are life long battles that require a constant awareness and monitoring. Tweaking of medications is frequently needed. A “cocktail” of sorts of medications becomes the norm. The frustration and scariness for the patient and family members is real. A support system is needed.
For me, God is my highest of that support system. Prayer is my defense, and the Word is my guide. I do rely on those who can be of help to me when I need them. Asking for that help can be the hardest of all.
To Lay Down Pride and Ask for Help
I recall during a time when my mother was living with me and in hospice care, that I had tried to keep up with the house while also caring for her. It was an impossible task, and I fell behind on the laundry. I was becoming undone.
My therapist knew the battle that was going on, and she talked me into calling my daughter for help. That was one of the hardest things for me to do.
I told my daughter that I needed help, and she was beside me before I knew it. She came over in her pajamas and said to me that we were going to have a pajama party and clean the house together. My daughter not only helped me become organized, she also raised my spirits immensely and I felt less alone.
Whether we have mental illness or not, there are times where we all need to ask for help. It’s hard to do that, but the reward is beautiful, and it blesses everyone. It not only helps the giver but it also helps the receiver.
I may not understand everything God is doing in my life or why things may be happening, I have trust that whatever happens is best for me and in His will.
Though I have mental illness I have overcome each obstacle and have grown stronger with the challenges. I know that with God beside me, I will continue to thrive.
At times during the chaos, my mind didn’t allow me to understand what was happening or whether I could even move forward. In retrospect though, I can see that God gave me everything and more than I ever needed. There was never more than I could handle. I had every resource available.
I have discovered that there is Hope beyond mental illness. And you can too!
Prayer for You Today:
Heavenly Father,
You are my strength and I thank you for always caring for me and being by my side. Forgive me for the times when I try to do things on my own and Lord help me to always look to you and remember that I have other people who are willing to help. I pray Lord that you continue to guide me and lift me, even when I don’t understand that you are doing it, or the reason for the circumstances. Help me to come closer to you each day and to always trust that what you do in my life is the best for me.
In Christ’s name I pray, amen
To view all of the topics in this series, check out our Stories of Hope page, and discover how others have chosen to live a life of hope, despite life’s greatest challenges!
My name is Kelsy King. I am a wife, mother, grandmother, former Registered Nurse and now a strong advocate for mental healthcare rights. I work with NAMI – “In Our Own Voice” program, speaking to help others understand mental illness.
Currently I have a Facebook page that focuses on living with mental illness and relying on God. Also I have started a blog entitled ‘Defining Grace’.
I am happily married to my husband Jared, and together our passion is travelling the world.
You can find me in any of the places listed here. www.defininggrace.blog, facebook, Pinterest.
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Thank you for sharing, Kelsey. Mental health is so very near and dear to my heart. My aunt is bipolar and though she has had her struggles in life, she is a women full of faith and has such a positive attitude about it as do you. She has been quite an inspiration to me as I’m sure you will be to others. I also am struggling with mental health issues with my son and it can be so hard to watch at times, but I know God made him just the way he’s supposed to be and I share that hope that you have in Jesus.
Thank you for your kind words Crystal. Yes, it has been a struggle and challenging. Thank God that we have our Lord right beside us! It is good that your son has you to help him, as my parents helped me. Share the joy of Jesus with him as I’m sure you are. It will help him with his walk. This is just the way it was meant to be!
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Thank you for sharing this inside view of mental illness. My view is from the outside as a family member, and I struggle to understand–not only the behavior I see, but even my own response to it. We have so much to learn, particularly within the church. Thank you for taking the brave step of presenting your own story as a teaching tool.
You’re welcome Michele. It can be very hard to understand and respond to. It is just like any other disease but these are diseases of the mind and sometimes they can be scary. They are scary and a struggle for the one that has these disorders too. I’m glad that it gave you some insight. Prayer is so good for me and my faith sustains me.
Thank you for this post, Kelsy – for sharing your story so openly. I’ve battled mental health issues throughout the past couple of decades, and in mentoring younger women, these struggles are so common. The more we share and keep these conversations going, the healthier we have the potential to become. Thanks for this. Bless you!
Stacey, I agree totally! We do need to be open because understanding and equality of care is so needed. Thank you also for your mentoring and my best to you with your mental issues too. God Bless!
Thank you for sharing your heart with us! It’s so true that our fight against this world is a constant battle. Whether it is mental illness, sin we struggle against or something else. But our God never leaves our side! And He fights for us. I think that’s one of my favorite characteristics of His. 🙂
It gives me peace and confidence in knowing that He is always beside me. All I need to do is listen for Him, ask, and follow His will for my life. I could not do this on my own! He certainly does fight for us! Blessings to you Emily
Thank you for sharing Kelsy’s story. I know your authenticity will help others. Praying for you in this. laurensparks.net
Thank you Lauren, and for your prayers. Blessings
Thank you for sharing your story Kelsy. I know how difficult it can be to let other’s into that part of our life. I also know what it is like to have God fighting for you when you feel like you do not have any fight left in you. He has saved my life! Living with anxiety and depression from an auto immune disease has not been easy. But Jesus did not promise that our life would be easy, and I rejoice in my suffering in his name.
God Bless You Angela, and your faith. Yes sometimes life is so very difficult, but this is my path – and yours. We can do all things through Christ!
WOW! What a beautiful testimony of God’s amazing grace. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly, we all know it is not easy to be vulnerable especially as the audience gets larger. Such a great God story, helpful in shedding light on a subject that is often hidden which does not do anyone any good! Many Thanks 8)
Thank you for sharing such an honest, powerful story, Kelsy. God was with you through all of your trials. So glad to read that you are in a much better place now. Keeping you in my prayers.
Thank you for your prayers and you are welcome. Yes, I’m in a better place now – and I know that God will watch over me.
Debra, this is my life and this subject needs to be made aware of and not hidden and to be ashamed of anymore. Yes, I tried to be as honest as possible. As we all know, it is much more of a problem than we want to admit. And showing how God sustains me I hope will give others the hope that they need to trust in our amazing God also. Thank you so much for your comment. God Bless
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m so glad more. Hroatians are coming forward about Mental illness and speaking about it. My mother has mental illness the more we are educated about it the less labels and stigmas will be associated with it. Thank you!
My story is honest, forthcoming, and transparent. It offers a true example of what I have been through. Yes, stigma needs to be reduced because those with mental illness suffer just a those with heart disease or any other illness. My trust in God guiding me with love, understanding, and truth is my hope – and my shield is in his Holy Spirit and his word. I pray that your mother also has this understanding that is so needed. I will pray for her as well. You are in my thoughts.
It is so hard to admit to a need for help in general but when it is because of mental illness it is harder. Thank you for sharing this, it encouraged me so much. I suffer from a generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD and can so relate!
I’m glad that it helped you Tiffany. I have learned to be open with my mental illness. It causes much less stress. My best to you and your recovery and management. Blessings
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𝗜’𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗼𝗻 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗵. 𝗜 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲, 𝗗𝗿.𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝘀𝗮 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗱 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁. 𝗜 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗲𝘅 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻 𝟰𝟴 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗗𝗿.𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝘀𝗮. 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗗𝗿.𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝘀𝗮 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿. 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝘆 𝗯𝗼𝘆𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗲𝗳𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗮𝗱𝘆. 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗸𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝘀𝗼 𝗳𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲. 𝗗𝗿.𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝘀𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲, 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶 𝗮𝗺 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝗗𝗿.𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝘀𝗮. 𝗜 𝘃𝗼𝗹𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗗𝗿.𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝘀𝗮 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗵𝗲’𝘀 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗽𝘀𝘆𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗰 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗻𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗹𝗹. 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗗𝗿.𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝘀𝗮 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝗼𝗻.
𝗘𝗠𝗔𝗜𝗟: 𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝘀𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲@𝗴𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗹. 𝗰𝗼𝗺
𝗪𝗲𝗯𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗲: 𝘄𝘄𝘄.𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗯𝗼𝘀𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲.𝗰𝗼𝗺
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁𝘀𝗔𝗽𝗽: +𝟭 𝟮𝟬𝟰 𝟲𝟱𝟬 𝟬𝟱𝟳𝟮
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