Do you ever struggle to believe that God is with you?
I pulled my van over to the shoulder of the road, scarcely missing the curb, as I did. I couldn’t breathe. My lungs felt like a deflated balloon. And my heart palpitated erratically.
Slamming the car in park, I bent myself over the steering wheel, attempting to catch my breath. My children’s faces were riddled with fear, as I struggled to maintain composure.
What was wrong with me? I was too young to be having a heart attack. Oh God, please help!
My palms sweated profusely and I quickly became lightheaded. Nothing was working.
In a last ditch effort to get some relief, I jumped out of the car, straightened my chest, and took one giant gulp of air in. Slowly, steadily, I began to breathe.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Repeat.
I didn’t know it then, but this would be the first of several panic attacks I would have over the course of a year.
Never before experiencing the suffocating, tightening feeling in my chest, I was unfamiliar with the symptoms.
Coincidentally, my husband also started suffering from severe panic attacks. Between the two of us, we were a hot mess!
The Entry Point for Fear
A mere few months had passed since we lost our infant daughter in a fatal car accident of catastrophic measure. From that day forward, fear and paranoia became our new normal.
Little things that seemed unrelated to the incident caused our heart’s to panic – such as loud or unusual noises, hearing our children cry suddenly, late night phone calls, or unexpected knocks at our door.
But then there were the larger things, more closely associated with our loss, that wreaked havoc on our senses too. For instance – getting into a vehicle, the sound of sirens, the scent of lavender that permeated the air on the day that she died, or the sight of her tiny shoes lying dormant by the door.
At any given moment, any one of these things could send us into a tailspin. Often without warning.
And that’s not all. We became insanely overprotective of our children – to the point that it was unhealthy.
- We refused to allow them out of our sight, even in the care of trusted friends or family members.
- Playing outdoors unaccompanied was strictly forbidden.
- I was a nervous wreck during the long hours they spent in school.
- And don’t even get me started on how we handled the slightest bruise or minor cut!
We lived in a constant state of dread and fear. And these fears were keeping us locked inside a cage of our own minds, and effecting our family as a whole.
We knew we needed help, but didn’t have the foggiest idea where to start. And quite frankly, the mental energy required to seek out help, was simply beyond our present capability.
Where Do We Turn in the Face of Such Fear?
I don’t know if you’ve experienced the crippling effects of fear at this level, but chances are you too are familiar with what it is to be afraid.
This is not uncommon. The Bible is full of stories of men and women just like you and me who spent their better years driven by fear.
So where does one turn when we are crippled by fear?
I have always found great comfort in reading the Psalms. David wrestled with every emotion under heaven, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. I admire the honesty and transparency found in his writings.
One Psalm, in particular, became my closest confidant in the aftermath of our loss: Psalm 23, commonly known as the funeral Psalm.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” (Psalm 23: 1-4)
There are two things in particular that stand out to me in this passage. Two things that greatly helped me process my fears. Perhaps they will help you too.
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The Hard Truth No One Likes to Admit
Experiencing my worst fears become a reality, made me fearful that it could happen again. And the sometimes hard truth to swallow.. is that it could. Life holds no guarantees.
We are not promised a life without tragedy or heartache or pain. In fact, we are guaranteed that in this life we WILL have trouble. (John 16:33)
Even for the believer who has surrendered her life to Christ, we are not given a free pass from suffering. And if we’re honest, that can make us real uncomfortable, can’t it?
Although I was familiar with this truth, I was still stunned and afraid when tragedy came knocking on my door. It quickly became apparent that I agreed to not succumb to fear so long as hardship steered far from my family.
But notice in Psalm 23, David says, “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..”
David acknowledges his present circumstances, yet makes a powerful declaration.
Even though, I am in the darkest valley..
Even though I am surrounded by shadows..
Even though death is my current reality..
“I will fear no evil.” Why? “Because you are with me.”
The Powerful Promise of God’s Presence
Knowing that God promises His presence with us in times of trouble, was comforting, to be sure. But I sensed that God wanted to take me deeper.
Heeding God’s voice, I chose to meditate on this particular verse over several days – taking it in slowly. In so doing, I had made a startling revelation.
In the first three verses of Psalm 23, David begins his song by speaking about God, as though He is in another room. His voice is passive, and indirect.
The Lord is..
He makes me..
He leads me..
He restores me..
Interestingly, we don’t typically talk about someone who is standing beside us, do we? We talk to them.
You’ll notice in the fourth verse, David makes a sudden shift. His verbiage suddenly transitions from one who talks about God, to one who acknowledges God is with him.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)
It’s as though David’s eyes were suddenly opened to see who was standing beside him in that very moment! He was not alone. God was with him.
Friend, God is with you too!
What if you lived your life like God really is with you?
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. (Isaiah 43:2)
How would the trajectory of your life change if you really believed that God truly is with you?
Through the deep waters..
In the midst of the fire..
Smack dab in the middle of the storm..
How would this revelation diminish the fear that rises up and threatens to overwhelm you?
I can tell you what it did for me. It set me free!
The panic attacks did not stop coming, at first. It can be difficult to dispel fear when our senses subconsciously trigger memories of past trauma, serving as an entry point for fear.
We have very little control over these triggers. What we CAN control however, is how we will respond to them.
We can refuse to give them power, by exalting the Word of God over them instead. The scriptures say that His Word is ALIVE and POWERFUL. (Hebrews 4:12)
When I feel the dreaded symptoms of panic begin to rear its ugly head, I do one of two things. Sometimes both.
- I close my eyes and envision the Lord sitting beside me. Holding my hand. Bringing me comfort. Speaking words of life over me. His peaceful countenance dispels my fears.
- And I meditate on God’s promise to be with me.
When I do this, fear loses its power. Fear no longer suffocates me, because the presence of God suffocates my fears.
In our darkest valleys when fear casts its heavy shadow, God’s promise is our light. His Word illuminates the valley of shadows, exposing us to the truth. We are not alone.
In Conclusion
While fear may not ever be completely eradicated from our lives, this side of heaven, we can choose to believe that God is with us despite feeling afraid.
We may not be in control over what happens in this life, but we can choose to place our trust in the One who is.
This is not easy. It requires us to consistently feed on God’s Word as our only true means of sustenance, returning to it regularly for nourishment, and believing what it says.
Friend, would you dare to believe that God is with you in the valley lows? He doesn’t guarantee to lift us out of the valley, per se. But He does promise to be with us in the midst of it.
He may not always offer us a hand up. But He surely offers us His hand to hold.
Let us join with David in his powerful declaration – even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Prayer:
Lord, thank you for your promise to be with me when I’m walking through seasons of difficulty. I do not need to be afraid, for your presence is all I need. When fear threatens to rear its ugly head, remind me that You are near, and You always will be. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Extra Resources for Further Study
Friends, I know how debilitating the grip of fear can be. It’s now been over a decade since my last panic attack, but for some, the journey to freedom might be a process.
Sometimes, we have to stand and fight for the promises of God. And this can take time. The key is to not grow discouraged. Trust that God is with you, and that His Word will not return void. (Isaiah 55:11)
If your heart could use some added encouragement, I’ve compiled the following verses below to remind you of God’s promise to be with you, no matter what you face.
My prayer is that these truths will strengthen your heart as you continue to press in to the all-present God who is with you in the valleys.
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For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you. (Deuteronomy 20:4)
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
Is not the LORD your God with you? And has He not given you rest on every side? (1 Chronicles 22:18)
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. (Matthew 28:20)
What is your favorite verse to help you overcome fear? Share it in the comments, and together let’s break free from the bondage of fear!
Rachel!!!! Oh my goodness how much I identify with this post! The panic attacks, the constant walking in fear of losing a loved one, all the way down to losing a loved one in a car accident. It’s amazing how fear can completely stop us from living. I absolutely LOVE this post and the truths you’ve laid out. In particular, this resonated so much with me….”It quickly became apparent that I agreed to not succumb to fear so long as hardship steered far from my family.” I think this is something I still have to consistently lay down. But isn’t that the case with fear? God never said fear would never come our way, but that we can choose to fear not. In Him, we can find peace. Thank you so much for sharing your story today and leading us back to Him in times of fear.
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I identify so deeply with this post friend. The loss of my forever family, a severe car accident and the aftermath of grief from the loss of our family has had me battling anxiety for years. I love the heart and openness you shared here with your struggles and the wisdom to remember whose beloved we are in the middle of the mess. xoxo
Nicki, and I am so sorry for your losses too, friend. <3 The journey through the valley of shadows is certainly not an easy one, and it is not one that I would ever wish on anybody. It angers me that satan is so relentless, and heaps grief upon grief, in our times of sorrow. But then, I guess that's what makes him our enemy.
Praying for you today. May the God of all comfort, walk with you through the valleys, and give you peace through the storms. ((Hugs))
I can relate to this fear a lot. I was lost from my parents in a crowd at the age of 4. I have seen a motor cycle hit and run accident that ended up in a death of a family member in front of my eyes as the body flew .
I love this post and the consolation you give through your immense loss. You did go through the valley of shadow of death.
I praise the Lord for you and your testimony
My tears started flowing almost immediately. I also lost my daughter in an accident and I’m still struggling through the fear, anxiety, and overprotectiveness. Hugs to you and thank you for sharing your story and the truth you’ve learned through it.
Heather, I’m so very sorry for your loss too. It is all so very hard. 🙁
I struggled with writing this, to some degree, because I didn’t ever want anyone to think that this is easy, or quick even. And I certainly don’t want anyone to feel like they are ‘less than’ because it takes them longer, or because they can’t seem to overcome it. Every journey is unique. And every battle is different. But I truly do believe in the power of God’s Word to deliver, and heal, and overcome!
Praying for you, sweet friend. May God’s presence continue to go with you into every situation, and help to dispel your fears as you continually bring them to Him. ((Hugs)) <3
Powerful post, Rachel. I knew part of your story of losing your daughter. But I didn’t know the details. Glad for your freedom and healing. I, too, went through a time when I was fearful and had panic attacks. I still battle fear sometimes. Yet, I ask the Lord to help me remember I am fear-less in Christ.
Rachel!! I’m bawling my eyes out! 😭 Your testimony is so powerful. Thank you for sharing your struggles with fear and how God helped you overcome!
This post brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing your testimony, for it not only helps those who struggle with crippling fear, but it helps those who haven’t fought this particular battle understand a little better.
Katrina, that is SO very true! Not everyone understands the crippling effects fear can have on individuals. It’s important to speak out, so others are made aware and hopefully are then able to respond to loved ones dealing with fear, with both patience and gentleness. Thanks for mentioning that! 🙂
Your post really touched my heart. God uses testimonies like yours to show me that even if one of my worst fears comes true, there is still a life filled with the hope of God and the presence of God to get us through the most painful times. Thank you for your beautiful writing, your beautiful heart, and the inspiration you are to me and many others.
Discernment and wisdom birthed from hardship and pain….that is a statement that was told to me in recent months. It’s exactly what came to my mind as I was reading this powerful post. A post that will undoubtedly have an impact on so many!! Transparency is a tool that when we stand in the courage of God can provide light to a soul that has felt lost or even a soul that truly is lost. You may never know until Heaven what all the testimony of your heart did for wounded hearts.
Fear can no longer suffocate us I love it…Thanks for the reminder
Amen and Amen!! I love the song that goes, “fear doesn’t stand a chance when we’re standing in His love!” I sing that line often, as a way to remind myself whose love I’m standing in! 🙂
Thank you for sharing so vulnerably about your loss, grief, and anxiety. I think it is so powerful for faithful women to share how God is standing with us in our storm, rather than just trying to appear as if we have it all together or don’t experience storms. I can definitely relate to the anxiety. My son has a chronic illness that keeps us on our toes. I am constantly turning to God and anchoring my hope to him because this world is scary and so filled with hurt. He truly is our only hope and peace.
Erin, He truly is! I love how you said you continue turning to Him and *anchoring* your hope in Him! Sometimes we have to return again and again and again, and CHOOSE to fix our eyes on Jesus! I wish it was a one-and-done deal, but that’s not usually the way it works. And I couldn’t agree more about sharing our struggles vulnerably! It is SO important!
Thanks for sharing yours. <3
Rachel, your story is so powerful and my heart aches for your loss. I, too, understand fear. A CSA survivor, I struggled with PTSD for years only to discover two of my own children had been abused outside our family. I, too, feared allowing my little ones to play outside without supervision and grew even more protective than I had already been. It’s been a long process toward healing, but He truly is with us in the valley.
Blessings,
Tammy
Tammy, I am SO sorry you and your children have had to walk that awful road. I am also a CSA survivor, and so I can relate to your experience, some degree. But I simply cannot fathom how hard it must have been (and still may be) for you to know that your own children have been subjected to this kind of abuse, as well. It makes my heart so very sad. 🙁
PTSD is very real, and especially difficult to overcome. Those “triggers” that I mentioned above, are relentless sometimes, and it often requires diligence and time to heal. But I DO believe that healing is possible!
Praying for you, dear friend. May the Lord, whose name is peace, be your calming, comforting peace in times of despair.
Thank you for sharing. <3
I am suffering from horrible anxiety at the moment and have had panic attacks in the past. I am trying to learn how to give my troubles over to the Lord for him to deal with on my behalf. Being a bit of a control freak I am finding this is not as easy as it should be, however I am trusting in Him to bring me some peace and comfort while I struggle on. The Lord has basically commanded us not to be afraid and my hope is that I can get in line with this and trust Him more each day.
Jindasa, (what a beautiful name!) I’m a bit of a control freak too, so I understand your struggle. 😉 It is not easy trusting God in the face of tragedy or anxiety. And yet, when we do, it makes a world of difference! I still struggle with trust, if I’m being honest. It’s something I may have to surrender over and over again. But God is faithful! He helps us through our seasons of doubt, and walks with us through our fears. He is patient and loving and gentle.
I pray that this article was able to encourage you along the way. Keep pressing in, and standing on His Word. He is faithful!!
Keep in touch, and let me know how you do. <3
I had a bad experience several years ago while driving across a bridge in some really bad weather. I had driven across that bridge a million times and never had a problem. Now, years later I cant drive across a bridge to go anywhere. I have to have someone drive me. My whole body starts shaking even with someone else drives. My legs shake so bad I dont even have the strength to push the gas with my foot. It is terrifying
Emily, I’m so sorry to hear that! Fear can certainly be crippling. I know that feeling well.
I recently took a flight out of state. Flying has never been ‘my thing.’ The last time I flew, I had an all-out panic attack. Pretty embarrassing. This time, I prepared myself beforehand. I armed myself with scriptures about God’s strength and promise to be with me. And I refused to let my mind run away from me. Any time I felt my thoughts going astray, I took them captive and fixed my eyes on Jesus instead. It worked! For the first time ever, I had a peaceful experience while flying!
I do hope you are able to glean some from my experience, and lean into the Almighty who is WITH you! Try reading and even memorizing scripture, and reciting as often as is needed. Remember, the bible says that the Word of God is alive and active! My prayers are with you. <3
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