Guest Post by Emily Saxe
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32
Does Your Hope Lie in Jesus Alone?
Yesterday I listened to a TED talk about rejection. The speaker set out to face rejection for 100-straight days in order to numb himself from the pain and learn how to succeed even in the face of failure. I thought it a brilliant plan.
As a journalist, rejection and I go way back. It’s like going to any organized, group workout class: You feel awkward and embarrassed during it, it’s painful, you realize your weaknesses, but you learn and grow stronger from it. And so you know you need to try again.
I enjoyed listening to that TED talk because it reminded me to not give up in the midst of rejection when it comes to my career. But it also made me wonder: Are there some moments of rejection that cut deep enough to warrant giving up?
I had a friendship years ago that caused me to want to give up and run. She and I had known each other for a short time, but I thought her to be a kindred spirit. And I do believe we were for the first year of friendship.
Which made the rejection sting all the more.
The Deep Cut of Rejection
I had noticed patterns of paranoia in her. I had also noticed she was fiercely loyal. That is, until she assumed you were conspiring against her with someone she distrusted. Then the tables turned quickly.
I tried to encourage her as I witnessed these concerning signs, but I also wanted to ignore them. I never thought her anger would turn toward me. But it did after I made a comment that, in retrospect, did sound rather judgemental.
That was all she needed to unleash her hurt on me for an hour. I sat quietly for most of it, allowing her to say everything she felt like she needed to say, only defending myself once. She never raised her voice, but her accusations about my character struck me with such force that I sobbed as soon as she left.
Her words about who she believed I was as a friend and person cut deeper than I had ever known words could cut.
I prayed through what she said, wondering if any of it were true. After a few days of letting myself calm down from the hurt, we spoke again. This time, after praying long and hard through what God wanted me to say, I told her of my worry about her constant fears that others were conspiring against her.
I expressed my own fears that the enemy had targeted her and was bombarding her with lies that, it seemed, she was believing.
Well, that did not go over well. After that conversation, I tried again and again to love her and restore our friendship. But again and again, she rejected me. It wasn’t long before I heard from others how she had been gossiping and spreading lies about me.
Sitting in the Pain
Once again, I felt that now-familiar deep wound of rejection. Except now it was my turn to experience the flaming arrows of the evil one. The lies that I was not a good friend and a worse Christian flooded my daily prayers and thoughts.
I feared it was all my fault, that I had done something terribly wrong and caused this avalanche of hate.
I begged God to rescue me. To show me my sin. To reveal to me how I had walked away from Him and caused this to happen.
He allowed me to sit in my pain for more than a year. This young woman was my housemate through most of this, and so each day I faced my accuser. And I had a decision to make. Continue attempts at restoration, or give up.
At least those were the only two options the enemy wanted me to believe I had.
But overtime, Jesus removed the rejected-colored glasses I wore. He reminded me how His friends rejected Him, too. That He knew exactly how I felt. And that I wasn’t alone in that emotionally-abusing house.
What hope that brought me! The simple reminder that Jesus had felt this same rejection. This same pain. I realized how Jesus not only felt my pain from His own life as a man, but He was sitting next to me as I cried on my bathroom floor, His tears reflecting my own. He hurt because I hurt. No, I was far from alone.
But I still had more to learn.
I sat crying on my bathroom floor, His tears reflecting my own. Jesus hurt because I hurt. I was far from alone. #Rejection #JesusKnows Share on X
Hope in Jesus, Not in Acceptance
There are many beautiful characteristics about Jesus, but I think His forgiveness sits at the top of the list. He wrapped me in His warm arms and reminded me I had sought forgiveness, and forgiveness He had given. I had apologized to my friend and desired restoration. There was nothing more I could do except forgive her myself.
Something I quickly learned was easier said than done.
It took more than a year after her departure from my life before I finally took a step toward forgiveness through Christian counseling (something I would highly recommend to anyone). In the midst of learning to forgive, I remembered how Jesus forgave while dying on the cross those who rejected and murdered Him (Luke 23:34).
He didn’t wait until the pain was complete or until He felt He was at a safe, emotional distance from those who rejected Him. He forgave them right in the deepest moment of hurt.
One vast difference between me and Jesus, though, is His words of forgiveness uttered once last forever. My sinful heart must head back to a posture of forgiveness many, many times.
Exchanging Bitterness for Forgiveness
Years later, I still catch myself nursing the sting of her rejection. And so I once again head to the foot of the cross, listening for Jesus’ words saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Then I speak my own words of forgiveness, and I confess my sin of bitterness.
I know Jesus has forgiven me and cleansed me. He provides me with a secure place to rest in the hope of His faithfulness. And hope in Jesus never disappoints.
I’ve learned I can make and trust new friends because my hope is not in their acceptance of me. It’s in Jesus. My hope does not rest in never again feeling that deep cut of rejection. It rests in Jesus.
Clinging to that hope reminds me I don’t need to run from rejection. Jesus always accepts me when I draw near to Him. Even when I sin, even when I hurt Him, He doesn’t reject me. He certainly doesn’t love those moments, but when I draw near to Him and seek restoration, He welcomes me once again into His embrace.
So as I listened to that TED talk and wondered if I had given up on my friend after her rejection, I realized I actually had not given up. Giving up looks like giving into the pain and playing the victim. But I gave up my bitterness in exchange for forgiveness.
True, we’re not friends anymore, but I can still love her and forgive her. And that’s not giving up. That’s holding onto hope that Jesus will one day restore all things and forever rid us all of the pain that comes with rejection.
Prayer:
Jesus, thank you for sitting with me in my pain. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. Forgive me for holding onto any bitterness, anger or unforgiveness. I ask for courage to seek help when needed and to forgive those who have hurt me. Thank you for setting the perfect example of forgiveness on the cross. May I never forget your sacrifice to forgive me and cleanse me. May I always find my hope in Jesus.
To view all of the topics in this series, check out our Stories of Hope page, and discover how others have chosen to live a life of hope, despite life’s greatest challenges!
Emily Saxe was born and raised on the east coast but currently resides in Indiana with her husband.
Working as a full-time freelance writer and editor, her heart and her pen are drawn to stories of faith as she helps people share how God is working in their lives.
Everyone has a story to tell, and Emily loves helping to give people a voice to share their own story. Read more of Emily’s articles on her website, To Unearth.
You can also find Emily here: Pinterest|Instagram|Facebook
Time to link arms and #linkup! Join us for our #StoriesOfHope series and grab a dose of encouragement as you link up YOUR inspiring posts! Share on X
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What a great viewpoint Emily! Sharing this with my subscribers this week. <3
Thank you so much! I truly am thankful God restores all things and that I can use my pain for His glory!
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Wow! So much good stuff in this post! The reason Christ came to earth was so He could experience human pain and human emotions. Christ does understand our sins and forgives them in a generous and loving way. He understood the pain of rejection you were feeling. When we are rejected, we do tend to nurse bitterness in our hearts, to develop a self-righteous attitude. God knows this. These feelings serve to alienate us from God. How much better to walk in Jesus’ steps and to forgive the person who has rejected you. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Laurie! I am so thankful for a God who feels our pain and forgives us when we don’t handle our pain the right way. I’m so glad this encouraged you today!
Wow, Emily! This is a huge encouragement to lean into the risk of friendship, knowing that (like Jesus!) we could experience the sting of rejection. How wonderful that He is fully equipped to bear our grief and carry our sorrows.
I’m so glad, Michele! Yes, what an amazing God we serve that He not only can carry our burdens, but He desires to carry them for us!
Excellent post, Emily. Rachel…I had no idea you had a linkup. Oh lover of turquoise, how did I not know this!!! xo
Thank you so much, Susan! I’m so thankful this was something to encourage you!
I love your perspective, Emily! Hope is in Jesus in every situation but it feels so hard to look there when we have been hurt.
Thank you, Tiffany! Yes, that is so true! Our hope in Jesus can bring us through any and every situation!
It’s so hard to be Christ-like in the face of rejection – especially when we feel it is unfair. Thanks for sharing your story. laurensparks.net
Yes, it definitely is so very difficult! Thanks, Lauren, and I hope you were encouraged!
Thank you for sharing your story. Being hurt and rejected from those we thought never could is so hard to deal with. But I love how you found hope in Jesus. You said: “Jesus always accepts me when I draw near to Him. Even when I sin, even when I hurt Him, He doesn’t reject me.” You point to such an important truth about our Lord and savior. He will never reject us, but instead welcome us into his open arms. That is the greatest comfort we will ever know.
I’m glad this encouraged you, Crystal! My prayer is that all women will truly believe Jesus accepts them and desires to heal them!
Hi Emily! I have experienced similar rejection of a friend and the wound did run deep. It has taken years of God’s loving work in my life to open my eyes to many of these truths you talk about here today. I can definitely relate to God removing the lens of “rejected-colored glasses” and how God helped me step back and see His presence and comfort in all of it. He is always with us, and knows our hearts and the truth, even when others may speak words contrary to the truth about us and to us. Thank you for sharing this and for encouraging me to keep forgiving and loving those who have rejected me, in the name of Jesus. And to keep my heart open and willing for God to restore the relationship.
Elaine, I’m sorry you’ve experienced something similar, but I’m thankful my experience has encouraged you. I’m so grateful our God knows exactly how we feel and desires to teach us through the pain! Prayers for you as you continue to forgive and soften your heart toward Jesus.
Emily, thank you for sharing your words of wisdom with us today. I can relate to so much of this. I went through a very painful season, after being harshly treated and rejected by someone I once called a friend. The sting cuts deep. It took the combination of time, and God’s redeeming love and grace to pull me out of that dark place. I am so thankful that He can relate to our sorrows. Furthermore, He will not leave us to suffer them alone! Thank you for pointing us back to Jesus – the author of all Hope!!
Thanks for having me, Rachel! I think so many women can relate, and I’m encouraged God can use our stories to encourage one another!
Thank so much, Emily for these powerful words. We can all identify with the sting of rejection, and praise God that Jesus–the Cornerstone the builders rejected, bore the rejection of humanity to give us peace and freedom! Blessings to you as you continue to seek His face!
Thanks for your kind words, Christin! I’m thankful God can use ANY experience for His glory and our growth!
This couldn’t have come at a better time. Something a little similar happened to me about three weeks ago, and I couldn’t help but wonder how much of a bad friend I am. But with this, I know not to focus on acceptance but on Jesus.
Emily – Thank you for sharing your heart here today. Rejection is hard! I love that you remind us Jesus is right there with us. We all will face rejection but we can learn from it and move forward stronger people. Taking your words to hear and pondering the rejection I have felt.
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