Guest Post by Julie Loos
Do you believe one can find hope in suicide?
Glean encouragement through this woman’s honest journey of losing a loved one to suicide.
So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. (Romans 8:31-39) MSG
Our Story of Suicide
A few months ago, I signed up to write this post. I was a little nervous to put my name next to this topic, but as the weeks have gone by, I’ve become more afraid to write about this. You see this topic is becoming more and more pertinent lately. I wanted to write from the heart and not get it wrong.
I mean, it’s a topic near and dear to my heart because my family’s life has been affected by suicide.
If I’m honest with you, it hasn’t been easy, and my husband and I have struggled with what others have told us and what the truth is in God’s Word when it comes to suicide.
About 7 1/2 years ago, my husband’s best friend (who was his uncle) committed suicide. To say it was a shock is a huge understatement. Looking back, my husband noticed a few signs amiss, but would have never thought his uncle would take his life.
The days and weeks following his death were full of questions.
The Yearning for an Answer
We’ve heard it all:
- Our loved one isn’t in heaven.
- Maybe our loved one is.
- Judas isn’t in heaven.
- How could anyone do this?
Even more, the comments kept coming for a few weeks following the memorial service.
The fact is, even a few pastors we talked to weren’t sure what to say or how to encourage us during our time of grief.
The truth is, you only have to google Christianity and suicide together and see that there is a huge debate.
The most pressing question for all of us that have lost loved ones through suicide is: will my loved one be in heaven?
Have you lost someone you love to suicide? Read one woman's touching story of how she and her family have found hope in aftermath of such tragic loss. #Depression #Suicide #StoriesOfHope via @juliealoos Share on X
God is the Answer
The argument can be that the person didn’t ask for forgiveness prior to the act and besides true faith wouldn’t lead us to go against God’s command to not murder.
My thoughts on this are:
First, if someone dies unexpectedly, did they ask for forgiveness?
Secondly, all of us break God’s commands and many murderers have asked Jesus into their lives after the act and receive full forgiveness by Jesus’ death on the cross like the prisoner on the side of the cross near Jesus.
To put another way, when someone close to us dies in this manner, having others tell us that they won’t be in heaven is like pressing salt into an already painful wound. It doesn’t comfort us, but rather creates a whole new anxiety about what we should have done or how we should have shared God more etc.
I can attest to the fact that this was the biggest struggle through those weeks and months, and it almost felt like the Evil One liked to join in with the questioning.
It makes us question what we know to be true.
In our case, our uncle was a God-fearing man who had plowed snow for the church the morning of his death in order to get the parking lot ready for Sunday services.
Suicide and Christianity
It just didn’t make sense to us. And for many of us, unfortunately, it will never make sense because in our human reasoning we can’t understand. But God does understand and knows what we can’t comprehend.
If I could, let me begin with some facts from the Bible.
- God creates life.
- Our days are numbered in God’s book and He knows when and how we will die.
- Our Savior died on the cross to forgive sin.
- God has a plan and purpose for each of us, and God loves us enough to send Jesus for us.
I think one of the biggest problems when we talk about Christianity and suicide is that we think we know what was happening or what was going on in the person’s heart.
Only God knows the Truth
First of all, no one looks at the heart like God does. God is the only one who knows the longings and the desires of the heart.
We’ve heard it said that a true Christian couldn’t do this.
Have you ever been in a season of depression? Have you ever been sucked down into the pit?
David experienced the mire and mud of a deep pit. Moses, Job, Elijah, and Jeremiah also went through a season where they wished God would take their lives.
It’s been said that 1 in 12 adults have experienced depression. Now that’s not to say depression equates with committing suicide, but usually they can go hand in hand.
(please don’t assume that everyone with depression is suicidal… sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for what leads people to it)
Giving Hope to those Struggling
The truth of the matter is depression is an illness. It’s not something we seek to find, but rather it finds us. Some depressive seasons are short, and others are long.
Depression isn’t a rare occurrence, but something that is more common than we realize. In the United States, suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death of ages 10-24.
In the hope of being Jesus’ hands and feet in this world of struggling, we have a lot of work to do encouraging and helping our brothers and sisters as they endure these seasons of depression.
As I am writing this, it’s so hard to maintain that balance of conveying the seriousness of suicide but also displaying God’s grace. I mean, suicide isn’t the answer when we have HOPE through Jesus, but we also need to provide encouragement for those who have lost loved ones, and help them to see that there is hope, even in suicide.
God’s Love is Bigger than Suicide
If you take anything away from this post, I want to convey that God is love.
Indeed, God knows us better than we know ourselves.
Nothing can separate God’s love from us, not even depression and suicide. #StoriesOfHope #Suicide via @juliealoos Share on XWhile I can’t comprehend or explain everything, I know God has already planned it out.
God knows what our uncle felt and his faith, and I know God will lead him home.
If you’re struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, please find help. God has given us professionals and medication to help ease the pain and struggles you are going through.
You can find HOPE in suicide through Jesus. Jesus will embrace you and lead you through this season.
Prayer for Today:
Heavenly Father-Thank you for loving me in great ways and telling me that nothing can stop your love for me. Help me to reach out to you and others when I’m struggling. Give me strength and the willpower to fight through the hard times of life. Surround me with Christian friends who will encourage and lift me up. In your name, amen!
To view all of the topics in this series, check out our Stories of Hope page, and discover how others have chosen to live a life of hope, despite life’s greatest challenges!
Julie Loos is the mom of 5 kids and has been happily married to Greg for 19 years. She loves to read, eat chocolate, drink iced tea and spend time writing in the midst of messes.
You can find her blog at www.unmaskingthemess.com.
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Suicide is the hardest! the hardest to understand! the hardest to cope with…for there are so many questions to be answered and they won’t be this side of Heaven. I, too, have experiences suicide…a dear friend who was like a brother committed suicide in 1992. He left what he had to me. He left me the note to find him. He left me wondering why? was there not another way? had he found Jesus at the end? so much I wanted to know. And do not even today. But I do trust our Creator and know that He knows all. I have written a couple of posts on suicide as well…probably more for myself than anyone as I try to comprehend even some small piece of it all. Thank you for reminding me Who knows all and Whose love covers us each and all. I am so very sorry for you as you and your family mourn your loss, Julie.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
Thank you, Linda! And I am sorry for your loss as well! I’m glad to know we have a Father who loves us so much that we can be assured He has us 🙂
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Sometimes the best advice comes in the form of what NOT to say to someone who is hurting, and you’ve certainly covered that very thoroughly here today.
Julie, I didn’t know this was part of your story, and I am so sorry for the shock and the loss you and your family have experienced. Thank you for giving us Romans 8 truth that even this horror cannot separate us from the love of Christ.
Michele- thank you! I’m so glad we have God’s word in Romans to comfort us and show us how much a god loves us!
I am so sorry for your loss, Julie. This sort of loss leaves us with so many questions. I had a sweet woman (friend) in our church Bible Study who took her own life. Years later I still think of her. But somehow, I think the Lord comes to them in those desperate and last moments and restores them to Himself – for He is a God of mercy and grace. I too, am grateful for the truth of Romans 8 and the promise that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Blessings.
Joanne- I love that visual of the Lord coming to them in those last moments! Thank you for sharing that!
Julie, I am sorry for this loss, and although I know time does lessen the pain, our life is never the same. I too have experienced this loss with a sibling, and there are no clear answers in the midst of it all. It is the hardest for those left behind. We wrestle with so many emotions and ‘what if’s’ but God IS there to carry us through the pain. I’m so glad you emphasized getting help, and becoming equipped to see the signs through Mental Health First Aid certification is also a great way to offer support to get help for those in need.
Crystal- I’m so sorry for loss also! You’re right, God does carry us through the pain:)
It is so hard to talk about the suicide of a loved one. At 20 my best friend took his life. It’s hard to wrap your mind around the why’s and what if’s of it. I miss him every day but I also pray I will see him again one day to give him a big hug… the aftermath for his family has been devastating… it is just so hard.
Tiffany- I am so sorry for loss! What a sweet reunion that will be someday!
Thank you for infusing such a hard and painful subject with God’s love, mercy and grace. laurensparks.net
Lauren- thank you!
So sorry you’ve had this hurt on your hearts through these years. Thank you for sharing your pain and helping others carry theirs. Thanks for this message of hope through the darkness. God bless!
Thank you, Nancy!
So sorry to hear this. I found myself writing posts about this, in order to hopefully help someone decide not to do it. I have come to believe it is a temptation, and while most of us resist it, even under pressure, there can be a breaking point for believers just like anyone else. And you are right God knows hearts, He alone has all the answers and is the ultimate judge.
Rebecca- I’m so glad you’re writing about this also! Roman’s is so comforting to me and Gods love!
Many good things in your words here, Julie. Suicide is such a difficult subject; you handle this well.
I wish we could apply this to ALL areas of our life: “I think one of the biggest problems when we talk about Christianity and suicide is that we think we know what was happening or what was going on in the person’s heart. Only God knows the Truth.” Amen.
I’m thankful, too, that God’s love is bigger than suicide. Blessings to you.
Lisa- thank you! I appreciate your encouragement!
Julie,
I am so sorry for your loss and then on top of it having to hear responses and questions which are not helpful nor supporting. I, too, have had more experience than I would ever want in my life in the area of suicide. It is such a hard loss.
You were spot on in your article, and I love your willingness to attack this difficult conversation. You are brave. I love all of your points. I agree we have no idea.; God is the judge, not us.
I once had a pastor remind me we have no idea what the last conversation a person has with God is.
Blessing to you,
Maree
Maree- thank you for your encouragement! I appreciate it:)
Julie, thank you for writing this piece! My great uncle, my grandmother’s brother, killed himself when my mother was 12. That death impacted lives for decades to come. Years later, I found in my great-grandfather’s bible a newsprint article by Billy Graham explaining that God’s grace covers even suicide. It does not negate one’s salvation. That was the only clipping in that Bible. My great-grandfather’s greatest concern after his son’s death was that he be in heaven.
William Cowper, the great hymn writer, struggled greatly with depression and attempted suicide three times. Recently I listened to a modern-day theologian explain how as he went through medical school, though planning a career in missions, he plotted his own suicide. When his plan came to light, he got help and came back from that dark, dark place to a now active life. Even theologians struggle – saved persons who love Jesus enough to spend their lives for him.
Anyone who experiences depression knows the seductive thought that can worm its way into our brains telling us that it would be easier to simply end it all. Like all thoughts from Satan, we must reject this and turn from it, even letting our families know we occasionally think this way.
For the ones who aren’t able to resist, it may take them down. That great-uncle I mentioned at the beginning could never recover from the fact that his two-year-old son had died because the uncle had accidentally left gasoline out after cleaning an engine. Did that cause him to go to hell? NO! The man was saved. His heart was broken, and his depression and mental illness killed him.
Nothing can take away our salvation – even unconfessed sin, even that very last sin. Our confession of sin, belief in Christ, and prayer for salvation covers all sin, past, present, and future. We sin so thoroughly that it’s impossible for us to confess all our sins – especially the sins of omission, because we often don’t even know we’ve committed these!
Julie, I’m so sorry about your husband’s loss of his wonderful uncle. I’m sorry that other believers tormented him and your family, making the loss that much harder. I would hope that with all that we now know about mental health, that the church would grow in compassion toward those whose lives are taken by mental illness and broken hearts. May the grace of God heal all the wounds you’ve experienced over this loss and the resulting wounds inflicted by others.
Melinda- all of your words brought such comfort! Thank you for your words:)
My husband and I have known several people who have died by suicide. Each time, we are left wondering “Why?” We have learned there was nothing we could have done to prevented the suicide. We have learned that the answers are not ours to know at this time. We find comfort in knowing God has the answers.
You offer a much needed message for ou day. Thanks and God bless!
Such a difficult and timely subject written from a tender heart touched by the pain of loss to suicide.
Thank you for addressing this topic with wisdom and love.
My (now ex) husband’s best friend, the one who led him to Christ, committed suicide. He eventually left his faith because he had embraced the false belief that suicide is a sentence to eternity in hell. Thank you for coming against that false belief. Thank you also for sharing the reason for your hope, the One who had gotten me through seasons of suicidal thoughts and plans: Jesus.
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