Overcoming Social Anxiety with the Hope of Jesus

Guest Post by Emily A. Sullivan

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:6)

Anyone who has only known me for the past couple of years would likely laugh in my face if I told them I dealt with social anxiety.

“Emily, you are NOT shy! You love to talk! You’ll talk to anyone. You can get along with everyone!”

Yes. All of these things are true. I’m a social butterfly. Extremely extroverted… meaning I thrive off of and derive energy from being around people. I’ll talk your ear off if you let me! I love meeting others for the first time, and I befriend people very easily.

But.. that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with social anxiety.

Let me show you what social anxiety ACTUALLY looks like.

Common Attributes of Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety is what I also like to call “Chronic Insecurity”. And it can be found in the smallest things…

• Feeling guilty for asking a store worker for assistance.
• Thinking you’re annoying to ask the kind girl behind the cafe counter if she could please toast your bagel for you.
• Refusing to call costumer service, because, what if you say something stupid?
• Choosing to remain confused in the classroom rather than asking questions for fear of being laughed at.
• Not wanting to have an opinion and risk offending someone…even within your own family.
• Wanting to make the first move, but waiting for someone else to go first.
• Avoiding opportunities because you don’t want to take that opportunity away from someone else.
• Feeling the terribly hot, flushed face from horrible embarrassment over every…single…mistake.

And oh-so-many other ways this thing can manifest itself.

But let’s just all call it what it is: FEAR.

• Fear of being an inconvenience to someone.
• Fear of making mistakes.
• Fear of conflict.
• Fear of ruining your good reputation.
• Fear of being judged.
• Fear of being inferior.
• Fear of humiliation.

Ultimately it’s a fear of rejection, and a fear of being SEEN. Even though you do desperately WANT to be seen!

Guys… that’s A LOT of fear! And I’ve spent my entire life living like that.

What Exactly Causes Anxiety?

I don’t think there was ‘one thing’ that caused my social anxiety.

As a little girl, I was never shy. In fact I was the exact OPPOSITE of shy! But I was very sensitive. Very easily embarrassed.

From a very early age I can recall many many instances where my cheeks burned, heart raced, stomach churned with devastation, because I said the wrong thing, or someone seemed annoyed with me, or I forgot something, or lost something… I made a mistake.

Whether I knew it at the time or not, those moments where I found myself putting my head down and wanting to hide, I realized later, that it wasn’t that I felt I had MADE a mistake… rather I felt like I WAS a mistake.

There was no rhyme or reason for this initially. I was just a ‘different kid’, which also made me a target for ‘mean kids.’

The teasing and name-calling started early… thus, so did my low self-esteem, and internal dialogue of lies.

But the lies certainly felt real, and they certainly stuck to me.

I began to think it was just going to be my ‘normal’ that I was going to be left out, ignored, teased, and looked down upon by other kids, so any sort of social time – be it recess, birthday parties, slumber parties, or even in the halls of school – would be something I was excluded from.

I had to decide I was okay with being excluded, and told myself to just let it all roll off, like water on a duck’s back.

As a result, I never said a word about how mean everyone was to me. Any adults present in my world would never have known.

The Effects of Living “Hidden”

Middle school & High school came and went. I started college, and I was living HIDDEN.

Although bullying and ‘mean kids’ were really no longer an issue in college, I was still living completely on-guard at all times, and had learned how to adopt complete and total self-preservation habits. I was existing, simply going through motions half-heartedly.

I’d grown so accustomed to living as an inconvenience, an embarrassment, a mistake.. but wanted some sense of ‘normality’ in this new life, new environment, and new start as a college student. I created a new way of life, where I could continue to live normally, but worked very hard to avoid any opportunity to be rejected.

• Have friendships… but don’t be too clingy.
• Be intelligent… but don’t come across as a know-it-all.
• Work hard… but don’t let anyone think you’re better than they are.
• Use your talents… but don’t shine.
• Try new things… but avoid being the center of attention.
• Share… but don’t overshare.

Social Anxiety is SO MUCH MORE than merely being shy. There is an extreme fear of man, and I was so very lost in that.

Social anxiety is so much more than merely being shy.. there is an extreme fear of man. BUT with Jesus, there is hope! #StoriesOfHope #AnxiousNomore via @emilyasullivan1 Share on X

I had built up an enormous wall around my heart, hundreds of stories high, and hundreds of feet thick.

Impenetrable.

Inaccessible.

But God..

Several years later, enter Jesus…

Throughout my life, I had created the very thing I was afraid of. Due to the walls I put up to AVOID being rejected, I actually experienced a lot of rejection.

And I was so tired of constantly being hurt. It was a vicious cycle spinning around inside the deep, dark walls, and there was only One Person who could ever change that for me.

Jesus, through the power of his spirit, cracked open those walls I saw as impossible to break through.

And they were… for ME ALONE.

What I’ve learned (and still am learning every day!) is that as long as I was trying to do this thing called life on my own, nothing would ever change. I could make any level of progress – I could learn how to start trusting people, gain some confidence here and there, reluctantly let someone in..

But it wouldn’t be long before something would happen that would cause me to put the walls right back up, and revert back into my hiding space.

Friends, the enemy is cunningly smart. And he knows exactly what your most vulnerable places are. And when I allowed the Holy Spirit to fully immerse the deepest parts of my life, the enemy quickly found ways to ruin that.

That’s what he likes to do. And it’s easy to let him have FAR too much power. That’s what I had done.

But as God works on my heart and in my life, I have been learning to ask Him to go with me into everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Because social anxiety (fear of man) still comes into play in every aspect of my being, and I have to remember that God is so much more powerful than any level of fear I could experience.

Overcoming Fear and Anxiety with the Hope of Jesus

In making and keeping friends, in being vulnerable, in sharing my heart and life, in trying or learning something new, in building upon the skills and talents I already have, even in the smallest things like asking a store worker for help… there is always some level of fear in those things for me.

But now I desire to take God with me into EVERYTHING. And while I’m at it, I ask Him to BE my everything, so in those situations that seem too hard, or too scary to do on my own, He is within me so I don’t have to do it alone.

Jesus lives within me, therefor I know I do not go into any situation alone. #StoriesOfHope #SocialAnxiety via @emilyasullivan1 Share on X

Jesus is my hope. He reminds me that He created me, and He loves me, and I am His.

Although it can still be really hard to not let the anxiety take back over, it’s just like anything else… it takes time, and practice, and repetition to change a habit you’ve held your entire life.

But in asking God to be there with you while you work at it, I believe He always will. He is our hope!

I am most definitely seeing the fruits of God’s presence in my life! If He will do it for me, He will do it for you too!

Prayer:
God, I acknowledge that You live within me, therefor I do not have to face anxiety alone. You promise to go with us into every situation. Your perfect love dispels our fears. Thank you for being our hope! In Jesus’ name, amen.

To view all of the topics in this series, check out our Stories of Hope page, and discover how others have chosen to live a life of hope, despite life’s greatest challenges!

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Emily A. Sullivan is a wife, singer, writer, and music teacher. She is a die-hard fan of coffee, puppies, classical music, and all things lace and floral.

Emily has a passion for encouraging others to step into all God created them to be. She and her husband, John-David, live in Northern Indiana.

To connect further with Emily, you can find her in any of the following places:
Blog: emilyasullivan.wordpress.com
Instagram: @emily.a.sullivan
Email: emilyanneblogs@gmail.com

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