Stress Less Hospitality: Drop the Stress by Doing Less
Stress-Less Hospitality: Drop the Stress by Doing Less. 5 simple ideas that will help you prepare for the arrival of guests without losing your mind! #hospitality #nostress Share on X
I come from a long line of perfectionists. Three generations at least.
My siblings and I have vivid childhood memories of the adults hustling about frantically, in preparation for guests.
Tempers were high, and patience was low.
We tiptoed on pins and needles, afraid to say or do anything that might set them off.
Perfection was the goal.
I recall making a promise to myself that I would NEVER let the anticipation of guests cause me to become so stressed, that I missed the point of hospitality in the first place.
Unfortunately I broke that promise.
My children have their own memories of mom, (aka me), hustling about the house- frantic and impatient- while striving for perfection.
I’m not sure if it’s laziness or wisdom- maybe a little of both– but I no longer allow myself to be so consumed by the need for perfection.
I refuse to let it steal my joy.
Because here’s the thing- people don’t come to our house seeking perfection.
They come to our house seeking presence.
Your friends could care less about the status of your home, the cleanliness of your children, or the appearance of your tablescape.
They care about YOU! Period.
I love the following quote by Shauna Niequist:
“It isn’t about perfection, and it isn’t about performance. You’ll miss the richest moments in life—the sacred moments when we feel God’s grace and presence through the actual faces and hands of the people we love—if you’re too scared or too ashamed to open the door.”
This is a lesson that I am learning slowly and surely. But it doesn’t just happen overnight. It requires intention.
Today, I am sharing a few simple tips I’ve learned along the way, that will help you prepare for the arrival of guests, without losing your mind…
Please join me at Welcome Heart, where I am honored to be guest-writing this week!
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I’m not the only one with memories like that, promises I made in my mind and later broke???
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When I was a little girl I always wanted everything clean, I never went to play without helping mum,’ My dad called me Miss hygiene’ loved everything clean. when friends dropped in they would take their shoes outside. I would tell them to wash their hands, ‘my siblings’ they thought I needed medical help! well, I think I have spoken enough, Nowadays everything is not clean.
bye love within Christ.
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People have always come to our house seeking peace. Perfection? Left the building about 25 years ago!!! So glad we are neighbors today at Kristin’s Porch.
Oh, how I relate! I’ve broken up with perfectionism only to renege in weak moments. 🙂 In the past, there were many times I felt more like going to bed instead of entertaining because once my guests arrived, my energy was depleted from all the work and fretting over appearances. Great reminder!
Love this – great points! I’m going to keep this in mind: presence over perfection.
I really want to read Shauna’s book, but haven’t had a chance yet. I struggle with this, too. Housekeeping isn’t my forte, and I try not to stress when people come over, but every now and then I do. I just can’t seem to help it. Heading over to read the rest of your post.
This post was for ME! I always get so stressed out when I have people over. I feel like everything has to be perfect and it can quickly go from something fun to something I dread!!
This is me too! It’s so hard to let go of wanting “perfection” and wondering what people will think of me. Thanks for the reminder to stress less today! 🙂
I really like this. If guests are in my home I like to make them feel welcome but I don’t want to try and be someone I’m not or feel the need to impress them. People should like my home and our family for who and what we are.
What a great read! Hospitality is my heartbeat and I love hosting. I used to be the same way and would worry about things being perfect. I’ve learned to relax a little and just enjoy the company.
LaDonna | Faith Family and Miracles
I thought of Sue as I read this and tada–it’s a post for her…
Heading over to read now but it has already captivated me!
Perfectionism… the bane of my existence. I went over to Welcome Heart and read and commented there, but also wanted to pop by here to say THANK YOU. GREAT post!
So much truth here, Rachel. My mom didn’t host much at all because it would stress her out so much. My husband used to struggle with us hosting, as well, because of his memories of his extremely stressed mom in preparation for company. Somehow, I managed to embrace hosting. I love to have nice things for people and can exhaust myself trying to find the perfect thing or make it just right, but usually I love having people over. I’m not a huge cook, so often it’s CostCo specials or the simplest of meals. A cup of coffee and a box of chocolates ♥ After almost 20 years together, my husband seems to have lost the stress and actually enjoys it, too! I am so thankful because hospitality is such a fun way to bond with others!
Blessings to you,
Lori
What do you ladies (including commenters) suggest for folks who do not RSVP? I’ve had guests show up that never responded, and recently had 75% of my guest list fail to respond, even though they received an email reminder. I phoned, the day after RSVP’s were due, and all of them, said “Can I let you know the day of the party?” Uhmmm….NO! I’m not willing to go buy and prepare food and buy wine (I don’t drink) for people who may or may not show up? I was offended at the disrespect!
I’ve entertained for many years, and the problem is getting worse.
Mary, I certainly understand your feelings of disrespect. It’s quite the predicament! And I’ll be honest by saying that I’m not entirely sure how to answer your question. It sounds as though you’ve done all that you can. I suppose, going forward in the future, I might simply suggest that the rsvp be their ticket “in.” Let them know ahead of time, that it’s important that you know how many to plan for. Last minute, or spur of the moment, decisions are not conducive when trying to plan ahead. Those who really want to attend and enjoy your company, will understand, and respectfully rsvp. Those that don’t— well maybe they are not deserving of your hospitality anyway..
Hope this helps some. Praying you find “your people” and are able to enjoy the company of others this holiday season!
Blessings! 🙂
Thank you, Rachel Lee, for your response and your good wishes. That’s exactly the problem; I’m trying to find my tribe. Widowed 5 yrs. ago suddenly, and in a brand new state at the time, finding & making new friends has been extremely challenging, this go ’round. My planned gathering was aimed at exactly that.
Oh well, NEXT!
Here’s a program I started, several years ago. Inspiration for a blog post, perhaps?
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/Ac-vYtB6yGqeXGM8o-3EUB2oeJH_Q7kByqhWUu8RKG2j3KSqJ4p5Ykw/
Thanks. I’ll check it out! 🙂
I’m sorry for your loss, and that you’re going through such a hard time. I find making new friends to be a challenging task, in and of itself. But it does seem to be somewhat easier, with the addition of a spouse..
I can’t imagine trying to do it alone.
I’ll be praying that God will send you new and lasting friendships, that will provide you with fellowship and comraderie. (Hugs)
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